Leaves a trail to fall

Openings!

2008-03-11T09:24:00.000-07:00

This is the last painting in the series. It's called "Never what I expected" and that's actually my mom in the foreground and me in the background. I got the colors and trees from this day I was driving into Edmond (where I live) from Oklahoma City. The grass was all brown and even and the colors of the ground and the sky were perfectly in tune muted colors-bluish green and tan. Then the cone shaped evergreen trees plopped here and there in the grass weren't green but really dark deep brown and it looked perfect. They matched the colors of the crows flying (if only in my mind). The crows in this one are small and flying away to signify literally the ending of this series but also the relief and lightness I felt at the moment of the composition. Anyway, It's one of my favorites.

So this week and next week are the openings for the Art 365 exhibition and I'm so excited to be done and actually see everything complete and installed in the gallery with other people milling around and talking about my work and everyone else's work and all our blood sweat and tears from the last year. So if you can make it, come to Untitled ArtSpace this Friday or next Friday!! See you then...

filmy filmy

2008-02-22T17:01:00.000-08:00

The awesome filmmakers that are doing to documentary about the Art 365 process came to see me print today. It went really well. I'm always a little nervous about being filmed, having to talk about my work and stuff without practicing first and all is a little scary, but once I got going it was good. I always do that, just start blabbing about some detail and pretty soon I'm describing the history of etching. Anyway, this is one of the images that I proofed during the time they were there. It's called "Sifting you out." My favorite part was telling and showing them how etching works. Most people have no idea and can't visualize the process of etching so it's cool that I can demonstrate it and people will get to see it on the film!

I see you there

2008-02-21T13:23:00.001-08:00

This is the third print in the series. The three white blocks are computer screens. It's kind of hard to see in this small picture, but there are two crows, one is looking at the figure with its mouth open, like it's talking to him. A lot of times in my work the birds have more to do with the narrative than the figures. Like they're the ones doing all the thinking and talking. I guess that's why I think of them as the inside part of me. Like what I'm thinking, not showing on the outside. The collage element in the bottom right is a page from some kind of pamphlet I got from my grandma. It's in Latvian so I can't read it but it says something about genocide and some religious things. I liked it because of the red text, and because this is kind of a sad and tense print and the page made me have that feeling too. This is another print where I added a lot of drypoint to make things darker or softer. The leaf pattern is a linoleum block print in a bluish green color. This print looks much better in person because it's so dark that you can only see the nuances when you're up close to it. I think it kind of looks like he's waist deep in this big muddy sea with only the lights from the computer screens to show him what's out there.

It was a clean scar

2008-02-20T16:17:00.001-08:00

This is the fourth print in the series. It's a plate that I didn't like the original drawing, so I scraped it down and the new image is all done in drypoint- scratching lines directly into the metal plate with a needle-type tool. I love drypoint lines because they're so irregular and soft. They look like scars. My favorite part of this print is the top bird's biggest wing, right where the dark and light meet. It reminds me of this long diagonal scar I have on my arm from when Justin and I were taking apart a couch last year- I pulled some fabric off and caught my arm on the edge of a spring. It was really deep so I still have the scar. I like how the skin changes and gets all crinkly and stuff. I like working on paper-paintings and prints because it's like skin. It wrinkles and buckles and has lines and creases. There's a lot more to the story behind the print but that's part of it anyway...

Watch out behind you (finished)

2008-02-20T16:09:00.001-08:00

Here's the final print that I framed and will be in the show! I've got all the prints done and framed, and I'm so happy that they turned out so well. They all look like "me" but each one has a different feeling to it, from the way that I printed it and also the drawing and etching methods. Overall I'm really happy with them and can't wait to see them all up in the gallery!!

Watch out behind you

2008-01-16T08:02:00.001-08:00

Here's the final proof of the first print in the series. There's still some background color and chine colle (collage) elements to add, but I've got the key image where I want it. yay!

One after the other

2008-01-16T07:13:00.001-08:00

Things have been crazy and changing lately and kind of overwhelming at times. I guess that's usually how the holidays are. I always feel like I'm forgetting to do something, or send something or talk to someone. This year seemed worse than others for that. I hate feeling like I'm not accomplishing things that I want to. Or what I think I should be doing. I make myself crazy thinking about it, all the family gatherings and the bills and work and filing and taxes and relationship maintenance, and I feel like I'm everywhere and things are getting away from me. I hate it. I just want a break. Usually I just clean my house obsessively and organize things to have control over something that will make me calmer. It usually works for a day or two.

First print

2007-10-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

So here's where I am with the first print I'm working on. It looks a little different than the original drawing, but it's still not completely where I want it to be. So I'll keep working on it. The basic concepts behind it are feelings of entrapment and not being content. Like things around you are choking you and holding you back. There's always something in life that can keep you from being where you want to be if you let it. And it's so easy to let it do that. Just to fall into the sadness and become overwhelmed. There's a ghostly bird on the rights that's being held down by the second figure and also seeping into and becoming part of the third figure. I've started using a striped shirt on one of the figures a lot lately. I'm not sure why except that they seem to be describing opposites in a way. Anyway, this one has a little ways to go and I'll keep showing its progress...

2007-09-23T11:36:00.001-07:00

This is the latest painting. I've been working on my etchings for the series a lot the last few months. They're finally shaping up the way I want them so there'll be pics of them soon. It's slow going on them since I have to go through so many steps to get an image. It's like drawing only you're scraping and cutting into metal. And you don't know what it will look like until you print it. I know that's confusing but it's hard to explain. For now here's the latest painting. Lots of things going on here and my life's gotten a bit less crazy since I made this. It's been pretty awesome actually. More soon I promise...

It mattered to me what happened to them

2007-07-28T15:34:00.001-07:00

I had a little critique get-together last night. It was really cool. I liked hearing what my friends thought of the work so far and what I should expand on or change. It was good to get people's first impressions of the paintings as a whole, especially when I could explain the concept behind the project and the stories of each painting.
Anyway, this is the first painting where the birds are dead. I've got them by the feet and don't know whether to walk through the door or through the lights. The different patterns are the dividing line. The one that's alive is chiding me for taking them away. I probably should have left them with him.
Death's kind of been a thing lately since I've been reading the Harry Potter book and obviously it's a central concept of that too. But during the critique a couple people were asking about the significance that the birds are crows and it's a lot to do with the fact that they're mythological omens for death, etc. They're more like my talismen, or instincts and emotions. Frightening and powerful and beautiful. Whenever I see one around my house I have this strong desire to catch it. But then I think I'd be afraid to have it caged, like a harpy it would destroy me in the end.

I know what you're thinking

2007-07-13T08:08:00.001-07:00

I'm getting kind of sick of myself and everyone lately. I'm tired of being overwhelmed and playing guessing games. It's hard to force yourself not to make assumptions and just be what you want to be. I gave myself a haircut this morning. It's the best thing in the world to get a haircut. Like you're cutting off your last few months worth of anxiety and craziness and starting fresh. It's actually kind of nice to realize that what you feel isn't just you. Other people feel that way too. They're feeling just as crazed and overwhelmed with the annoying parts of life as you.
Anyway, in this painting she's focusing on something else but she knows what's going on. The crow's watching her and sending the tree to envelope and pull her back. He's trying to be discreet but she knows anyway. It's the moment before she turns and looks at him. The moment of tension when he might be able to pull it off. She's got hold of one of the branches just to be sure.

so it begins

2007-06-30T15:02:00.001-07:00

"Lonely sky, the more you take the more that I give in"

When you don't have to prove something to everyone, and you're not the kind of person who wants to make a statement, what you have to say is just what's you. The things you go through every day. The scariness of being an adult, being married, having responsibilities for other people and for yourself are what you think about. The symbols that have worked their way into my art do what I can't do by talking or writing or anything else. They're my way of explaining exactly what I mean, or hurting someone when they make me angry, or being calm when life's pulling me in all directions and I want to cry and give up. I want to be the crows in my paintings so badly. They get to do everything I can't. I want to paint patterns all around myself everywhere and sink into them. I want to mix a color that's so good I can eat it. I want to be able to tell you things but I'm so bad at it. Never needing to talk to someone because she knew what I was thinking has followed me around. But I'm trying...